My Heart Aches

It’s hard to put into words the feelings that I have everyday as I think about our daughter. My heart aches, oh it aches. Like even now as I write this I have real heavy feeling in my chest. I long so much to be with her. I want to right all the wrongs that have been done to her. I want her to know how precious she is and how much she is loved. I want  her to know that God created her with a purpose and that her life is not a mistake.

I think about my precious daughter and it hurts. It is a feeling that I am well acquainted with. It’s the same feeling I had as I sat in a room with a completely silent 3 month old. Silent for days. No whimpers. No crying. No whining. Not even the sweet baby noises. Just the sound of multiple machines keeping Asher alive. Connected to a ventilator and a heart monitor with tubes coming out his chest. Those days were the most difficult ones of my life! Watching Asher sleep silently in a coma and WAITING, oh the waiting. Hours seemed like days and days seemed to go on forever.

Now I have a daughter thousands of miles away and I wait again. I cannot express the longing I have to be with her. To show her that she is loved.

We have gotten some information about the orphanage and it is hard to hear. A small orphanage in a small city. Not enough funding, not enough training for the caregivers. We’ve heard rumors that the children are not getting real food, just formula. It angers me! So what do I do with all this? For a few days it totally tore me up. I cried and cried. And then to be honest I could not take it, so I pushed it out. I found distractions. I kept myself busy and tried not to think about her. Out of sight and out of mind means it’s not happening, right?

NO!!!

I need to think about her. I need to let my mind accept that life is really hard and sometimes even cruel, to remind myself that we live in a fallen world. I have to remember that horrible things can happen, even to innocent little children. BUT, I can do something! I can PRAY! I can lift this little girl up to the Lord. I can beg and plead with God to provide better care for her. I can remind myself of the truth that God is in control and that he is sovereign over this situation. He loves my daughter even more than I do.

And I can remind you, all of you our there reading this, that that there are still millions of orphans out there. MILLIONS. MILLIONS. Not a few, not a few thousand. There are over 100 million orphans. These children need all of us to remember them. To think about them. To step up and seek to provide them help, support, FAMILY!

Would your family pray and see if you could be a family that welcomes one of these precious children into your home?

You have love. You have a home. You have food. YOU ARE QUALIFIED!

And please join me in prayer for our daughter, Campbell. A sweet 22 month old girl who is just waiting to experience the love of a family. Pray for her to grow and thrive even difficult  circumstances. Pray that her care takers would be properly trained and educated ASAP! Pray that they would do the best they can to love and care for each and every child in Gao Zhou SWI (the name of the orphanage). Pray for me to use this aching in my heart to remember “the least of these” and for me to not feel powerless, but motivated to keep advocating for these precious children!