Survival Mode

There are certain parts of our life that we have been hesitant to share to the public (especially since this blog is accessible to pretty much the whole world). Life with a sick child is stressful, unpredictable, and to be honest… expensive.

Now that life is returning back to more of a normal routine we’re realizing how much we lived in “Survival Mode” this last year. We basically just lived to survive one day at a time. We did not plan ahead or make arrangements for much of anything. We did not have a regular schedule or routine. We spent most of our time in Doctor’s Offices, Waiting Rooms, and Hospitals (5 different ones).

All that to say we hope that you can extend us some grace as we missed your birthday, asked for a favor at the last minute, fell thru on a commitment, or forgot to return a phone call or email, etc. I cannot even express the state of mind I was in most of this past year. All our time and energy was spent focusing on caring for Asher and Brennan so other things fell to the wayside. I really did not think about much else. Navigating the medical world is way more complicated than I ever imagined!

Life got particularly difficult in the spring when we found out about the holes in Asher’s trachea and his esophagus. We felt so many emotions at once. We had asked doctors about his noisy breathing at least 20 times and every time we were reassured that he was fine. The surgery was a huge surprise! We are so thankful that in the first 6 months of his life the Lord protected Asher from getting pneumonia and other serious illnesses.

On top of Asher’s quick, urgent surgery, in the days between the diagnosis and surgery I missed a step and rolled my ankle. 

The surgery was successful and Asher recovered very well, but Marty and I both got rather very sick in the hospital. And then the balls kept dropping…

-The day Asher was released from the hospital there was a really bad storm that we completely missed because we all came home and crashed. Later we found out a tornado missed us by 1/2 mile (even closer than we thought).

-While spending time with family over Easter Break our cars were broken into.

-Brennan was bit by a tick. The bite seemed to heal but weeks later he got a very serious infection.

-Asher and I both got an infection that was painful and hard to get over.

There were a few other things that I cannot remember now. As isolated events none of these would normally be a big deal, but as a series of events it was tremendously difficult. I started to have anxiety about what would happen next. We were just so weak and broken. I would lay in bed at night and go over a million “what ifs” in my head. For a few weeks I worried and waited for the next bad thing to happen.

So although it may have seemed like we had it all together, we DIDN’T. We had times of despair, anger, weakness, grief, etc. We just chose not to share that with the whole world through our blog.

It took some time, but fortunately we did not get stuck in the doom and gloom. We remembered the truth of the gospel and the hope we have in Christ. He gave us the strength we needed to make it through all the hard times and he will continue to give us strength every day of our lives.

1 In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge; Let me never be ashamed.2 In Your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; Incline Your ear to me and save me.3 Be to me a rock of habitation to which I may continually come; You have given commandment to save me, For You are my rock and my fortress.4 Rescue me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, Out of the grasp of the wrongdoer and ruthless man,5 For You are my hope; O Lord GOD, You are my confidence from my youth.6 By You I have been sustained from my birth; You are He who took me from my mother's womb; My praise is continually of You.

7 I have become a marvel to many, For You are my strong refuge.8 My mouth is filled with Your praise And with Your glory all day long.9 Do not cast me off in the time of old age; Do not forsake me when my strength fails.10 For my enemies have spoken against me; And those who watch for my life have consulted together,11 Saying, "God has forsaken him; Pursue and seize him, for there is no one to deliver."

12 O God, do not be far from me; O my God, hasten to my help!13 Let those who are adversaries of my soul be ashamed and consumed; Let them be covered with reproach and dishonor, who seek to injure me.14 But as for me, I will hope continually, And will praise You yet more and more.15 My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness And of Your salvation all day long; For I do not know the sum of them. 16 I will come with the mighty deeds of the Lord GOD; I will make mention of Your righteousness, Yours alone.

Of course seeing these guys smile helped us too! Pic taken on Easter 2011